a religious lecture about sex and shit ((amy))

Ulysses was at his parents house because his dad wanted to talk to him about where he put his dick and shit like that.which he had been hearing since he joined Playing With Traditions when he was 12. It was always about him sucking lips with a guy and stuff, so he had an idea on what to hear from his dad. His mom was currently at a court case for a sexual assault hearing.

"Hello, son," Amy said, walking into the room. He gestured to Ulysses and then the couch. "Take a seat, please. This might take a minute."

He went and took a seat and sighed hoping that dad wouldn't do anymore mac and cheese eating competitions anymore as a way to spread the religion he was raised on: Jehovah's Witnesses. Ulysses had quit the religion when he was 13 because he didn't agree with its way of thinking.

"So, I've heard you've had your holy hole penetrated by some dirty d's lately, son..." Amy lowered his voice as he spoke, actually very serious about what he was saying, "Is this...true?"

Not this goddamn talk again. I swear to fucking God, thought Ulysses as he tucked his hair behind his ear. He was still really fucking surprised that his dad didn't find out about his nipple piercings that he's had since he was 17 without parental consent. "Uh. First, where the fuck did you hear that?" He didn't want to jump straight to the truth.

"Nowhere, just...around," Amy lied, staring at the ground guiltily. He didn't like lying...it made him feel dirty....like god was watching him naked...or something....................................something deep...and complicated....."I also heard you're back with that one gross satanic filthy rock music singer..."

"So what...? Y'all were complaining all the fucking time for playing a satanic student who was fucking their male math teacher back when I was on Playing With Traditions," he replied, "Give me a goddamn break. Also, he ain't gross or filthy. He's intelligent. He's smart. He's kind when you get o know him. Uh what else?"

"Please, son...do not cuss so much...." Amy remarked on his son's language, cringing slightly. "I have heard many things....such as u have...nipple piercings...and do bad things...like drugs...i cannot believe this. i should have never let you become an actor...we could have just," amy began to tear up, "we could have just lived off of my mac and cheese money," he finally said, tears running down his cheeks.

Ulysses rolled his eyes and responded, "I'm surprised that your ass has finally learned about the nipple piercings I have which I had since 2003, which is a long fucking tie ago. The most I ever do when it comes to recreational drugs is LSD which is a once in a blue moon kinda deal. But then again, I did have to go to rehab back in 2002 for painkillers. Hm. Also, I'd be working at fucking Subway if we were to just rely on that."

"No, son...you do not understand...you have underestimated....the amount i have made off of....my mac n cheese money...and what is so wrong with subwya?" he scoffed, "it is a fine place to work...i am so disappointed in you. why do you do these things son?? why cant u just...make mac n cheese and plow fields..."

Bitch, i don't give a flying shit, he thought as he rolled his eyes once again. "Why the fuck would I want to make mac and cheese? I caught a fucking microwave on fire by heating up some Kraft Mac and Cheese. Why do you have a goddamn problem with me being bisexual? I love both dick and pussy. You gotta accept that. Especially dick now that I think about it. Why'd you think I only managed to get married once?"

"um...mac and cheese is beautiful i could have taught u stay in ur lane son....also because it is wrong...the jehovas witness thingy that is a bible or whatever says it is wrong so it's wrong..." amy said, wiping his tears.

"Dad, I'm 28. I'm not that adorable lil' 7 year old anymore. You need to accept that. I grew as a person and was smart enough to get out of that goddamn cult of a religion," said Ulysses as he got out his phone to play Kim K; Hollywood.

"it's nto a cult it's a way of life...." amy cried and ran into the restroom, throwing a bar of soap against the bathroom wall. when it hit the floor it went into several pieces and he cried harder.

Shrugging, he skated in the room blasting out the Thrill Kill Kult song "Daisy Chains 4 Satan" for the whole house to hear.

"please turn that satanic crab off.." amy demanded, stillc rying over the soap. he decided 2 bring out his cool mac and cheese colored boombox and play his favorite christian radio station to drown out his sons music.

Ulysses turned the volume all the way up and skated out the house like Bart Simpson because he's a swaggalicious motherfucker.

amy wept over his soap and the fact his son was going to hell. he prayed to god for a new soap bar and also a new son.